"We'll call it South Harmon Institute of Technology," and other malapropisms
by Thomas Yarnell '10As I passed by the ongoing construction of Hamilton's latest space station, the one that will sit in front of KJ, I noticed something special about the crane towering overhead. I stood examining the crane, trying to determine why exactly it was in that particular spot, when I noticed the company name painted on its side: "JPW Erectors."
This was not a joke. JPW Erectors was not the result of some hilarious vandalism. No, this company neatly painted such a name onto their crane because they wanted to. Now think about this with me for a second. How could this happen? Let us picture a group of sleazy board members sitting around a table to discuss the name of their crane company:
Bob: Well, I think the name needs to be direct, to the point. Let's think of it this way Jim, what does our company do?
Jim: Why, that's easy, Bob! We erect things.
Bob: There you have it. We're erectors. We'll call the company JPW Erectors.
Jim: I like where you're head's at. High five!
This has to be the way it went down. Otherwise, someone might have pointed out that their name sounded more like a male enhancement supplement. Otherwise, they would have anticipated phone calls from guys for whom Viva-Viagra was just not viva-ing. If anyone in the boardroom had burst out laughing, they all might have foreseen the issues with advertising. And they might have foreseen people such as myself cracking up as I walked by one of their cranes.
Of course, it gets worse. Next to the name, there was a slogan, and it read: "Sky's the limit." These guys are erectors and the sky's the limit. Just think of a boner that reached the clouds. How hard would that be to tuck in?
Clearly, very little forethought was given to this company's image. No one took into account the associations the general public may have with the word "Erectors." I assure you, however, that the fine hard-ons at JPW are not alone. I believe this instance is one of many in which the goofballs with power come up with very unfortunate titles to represent their businesses. Sure, you can find a million examples on the Internet: The website for the First Cumming Methodist Church is www.cummingfirst.com. And you've probably heard of Pen Island. You can order that specially customized pen for that special someone at www.penisland.com.
Yet, I was reminded today, that the examples also exist within our daily routines. Where I'm from outside of Philadelphia, an area known as the Main Line, you can get your car towed by a company called the Main Line Hooker Service. If their listing in the Yellow Pages did not depict a tow truck, I might have placed a very misunderstood phone call.
My friends, all I will say is this: keep your eyes open, and if you ever start up your own American-dream small business, remember the name JPW Erectors.