If you are reading this, chances are you're concerned about someone in your life. You may feel afraid, angry, and/or helpless. These feelings are natural, but know that you're doing the right thing by looking for ways to help! Sometimes it is difficult to know what will be helpful. The following is designed to give you some ideas about what to do.
Stress or Crisis?
Stress
In most instances the problems people experience are not emergency situations. Everyone feels stress at times. However, stress may be of concern if you observe the any of the following:
Drop in academic performance
Excessive alcohol or drug use
Depressed or lethargic mood
Hyperactivity and/or rapid speech
Social withdrawal
Changes in eating patterns
Self-injury (i.e., cutting, scratching)
Unusual or exaggerated emotional response to events
What to do:
If you choose to approach the person you are concerned about or if that person seeks you out, here are some suggestions:
Talk in private when both of you have time and are not preoccupied. Give your undivided attention. It is possible that just a few minutes of listening may be enough to help her/him feel comfortable about what to do next.
Be direct and non-judgmental. In a supportive, and gentle, but straightforward way, share what you have observed and what your concerns are. For example, say something like: "I've noticed you've been avoiding your friends lately and you have been oversleeping and missing class. I'm really concerned and would like to talk about this."
Listen sensitively. Listen to thoughts and feelings in a sensitive way. Communicate understanding by paraphrasing what you've been told. Try to include both the content and feelings. For example, "It sounds like you miss your family and are really feeling alone." Remember to let the student talk and be prepared for the possibility of strong feelings/reactions from the person (i.e. denial, anger, confusion).
Refer. Toward the end of the discussion, point out that help is available and seeking help is a sign of strength. If the person is a Hamilton student, you can refer them to the Counseling Center.
Follow up. Check with your friend later to find out how he or she is doing. Provide support or encouragement as appropriate.
Crisis
A crisis is a situation in which a person's usual coping style is no longer working. As emotions intensify, coping becomes less effective, until the person may become disoriented, non-functional, or attempt harm. If your friend is in a serious mental health crisis, you might see or hear the following:
Suicidal statements or suicide attempts
Homicidal threats, written or verbal, or attempted homicide or assault
Destruction of property or other criminal acts
Extreme panic reactions
Inability to communicate (e.g., garbled or slurred speech, disjointed thoughts)
Loss of contact with reality (e.g., seeing or hearing things that aren't there, expressing beliefs or actions at odds with reality)
If you believe there may be an imminent danger of harm to her/himself or someone else, as evidenced by several of these crisis symptoms, immediately call Campus Safety at ext. 4000.
If you need help in assessing the situation, call the Counseling Center at ext. 4340 between the hours of 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. You may also consider walking the student to the Counseling Center during these hours since this is often an excellent way of showing support. After 5 p.m. and on weekends you contact Campus Security (ext. 4000) and ask the dispatcher to page the counselor-on-call.
Self-Care
Hearing about someone else's struggles can be difficult and can leave you feeling emotionally drained. Your well-being is just as important as your friend's. The following may be helpful for you as you deal with your friend:
Recognize the limits of your own power/responsibility
You do not have the power to:
Make your friend change
Control how your friend will respond
You do have the power to:
Be genuine and supportive
Be concerned about your friend
Determine how to express your caring and concern
Be honest with yourself about the amount of time and effort you can expend in helping your friend
Get support yourself
Be aware of your own needs and find ways of meeting them, e.g., seeking people who can give you emotional support
Maintain healthy boundaries
Remember: You don't need to do it alone. Use the staff at the Dean's Office (ext. 4020), the Chaplain's office (ext. 4856), or the Counseling Center (ext. 4340) when you need information about how to handle a situation. And, realize the importance of taking care of your own needs.
Thank you to the Hobart/William Smith Counseling Center for the text on this page.
CONTACT INFORMATION
Counseling and Psychological Services
Thomas Brown Rudd Health Center
Second Floor
