April 15, 2008 Whenever I am running by tour groups of potential students I often pause in my ferocious snarling, consider my lust for man's flesh, and question what the bystanders to my undead rage could possibly be thinking. You see, I am currently involved in a high-stakes, high-risk, high-fun, campus-wide game of Zombies Vs. Humans. The full rules are complicated, but the basics began last Saturday, when registered humans, indicated by a bandanna on the upper arm and NERF gun in hand, went on-guard against a possible zombie menace. The zombie plague spreads with a zombie's mere touch, but they can be put down, temporarily, with a NERF dart to the face. My treacherous roommate ate me. So I had 15 minutes to say goodbye to friends and family, then, in unbearable agony, moved my bandanna from arm to head.
Now I am a zombie. I run around campus trying to eat other humans. My bandanna is bright red, so I imagine myself to be Zombie Rambo. While much of the fear is lost after becoming a zombie, the role requires a more offensive pursuit of the surviving humans. So, after turning into a loathsome zombie, I pack-hunted through the long, narrow corridors of Milbank and Babbitt Residence Halls. Coming around a corner, hearing the late-night jollity in the suite common-room, I was confronted with a banquet. It was a room full of human women, with the tell-tale arm bandanna. We had stumbled upon a hidden enclave of the Human Resistance! Amazingly, they were all entirely unarmed. I charged into the room, grabbing one girl by the upper arm. I snarled in her face.
"What are you doing?" she asked me with quizzical horror.
"Aren't you human?" I was confused.
"Well yeah...wait...what?" She was confused.
Then another girl stepped in, "oh no, we're not playing your game, this is a camouflage party, everyone was supposed to wear a bandanna." Apparently, in the biggest coincidence of my college career, I had consumed a room of non-players, who just happened to be wearing the tell-tale banner of the surviving humans. My tell-tale zombie swagger deflated, I backed sheepishly out of the room.