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Pre-Med Terror

March 8, 2009   

So I talked to Leslie North, Hamilton’s pre-med oracle, for the first time in a year, and the meeting went something like this:

YOU ENTITLED LITTLE MAGGOT. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU DESERVE TO BE A DOCTOR?

So apparently I’m in the bottom tenth percentile of people that actually get into med-school, even if I were groveling at the feet of Georgia’s protectionist good ol’ boy doctor club. Not good.

To be a doctor, one requires four things:
 
1. A 3.6-ish GPA, especially in the sciences.
2. Clinical / research experience
3. Charitable work
4. Passion for the medical field and the betterment of mankind (connections)

Well, that GPA, that should be interesting. I’ve got three semesters to pull it up, but as anyone familiar with averaging knows, the greater the sample size, the harder it is for outliers to budge the mean. Although I could theoretically get 12 A’s, the fact is that no matter what I do I’ll be dragging the dead weight of four…explorative freshman and sophomore semesters. Remember in Cold Mountain when Jude Law dragged four stinking, bloated corpses to freedom? Well, I’ll be dragging them to my interviews.

My clinical / research work is my strong suit. I’ve had two summers of biochemical research and one summer trailing a medical team in a hospital. Leslie said I should have used my NYC internship to do medical work, but in all honesty Norton was so brutally Dilbert I don’t know what could have given me stronger motivation to become a doctor.

Charitable work…uh…eh…*clears throat*

Passion, I’m very passionate, let me tell you about passion. A prostitute vomited on me when I was working in the hospital this summer. I had to take a shower to get all the hepatitis off of me. An ACID shower.  

LET ME IN YOU FASCISTS

Today’s Shout-Out! goes to Leslie North. Thanks for putting the fear of God in me, but you didn’t have to hit me with the MCAT study guide. It weighed 30 pounds.