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Zombies Vs. Humans

April 15, 2008   Whenever I am running by tour groups of potential students I often pause in my ferocious snarling, consider my lust for man's flesh, and question what the bystanders to my undead rage could possibly be thinking.  You see, I am currently involved in a high-stakes, high-risk, high-fun, campus-wide game of Zombies Vs. Humans.  The full rules are complicated, but the basics began last Saturday, when registered humans, indicated by a bandanna on the upper arm and NERF gun in hand, went on-guard against a possible zombie menace.  The zombie plague spreads with a zombie's mere touch, but they can be put down, temporarily, with a NERF dart to the face.  My treacherous roommate ate me.  So I had 15 minutes to say goodbye to friends and family, then, in unbearable agony, moved my bandanna from arm to head. 

Now I am a zombie.  I run around campus trying to eat other humans.  My bandanna is bright red, so I imagine myself to be Zombie Rambo.  While much of the fear is lost after becoming a zombie, the role requires a more offensive pursuit of the surviving humans.  So, after turning into a loathsome zombie, I pack-hunted through the long, narrow corridors of Milbank and Babbitt Residence Halls.  Coming around a corner, hearing the late-night jollity in the suite common-room, I was confronted with a banquet.  It was a room full of human women, with the tell-tale arm bandanna.  We had stumbled upon a hidden enclave of the Human Resistance!  Amazingly, they were all entirely unarmed.  I charged into the room, grabbing one girl by the upper arm.  I snarled in her face.

"What are you doing?" she asked me with quizzical horror.

"Aren't you human?" I was confused.

"Well yeah...wait...what?"  She was confused.

Then another girl stepped in, "oh no, we're not playing your game, this is a camouflage party, everyone was supposed to wear a bandanna."  Apparently, in the biggest coincidence of my college career, I had consumed a room of non-players, who just happened to be wearing the tell-tale banner of the surviving humans.  My tell-tale zombie swagger deflated, I backed sheepishly out of the room.