Advent 11

Wednesday, Second Week of Advent
7 December 2022

Uncertainty and Peace

Yesterday, I heard “Silent Night” coming from the living room. I peeked through the doorway and saw my seven-year-old son nestled on the couch next to our dog, Stuart, who was resting peacefully. My son was petting him gently, and singing softly. All was decidedly calm and bright. 
 
Three weeks ago, we thought we were about to say goodbye to Stuart. He had had four seizures in twenty-four hours, and had spent days seemingly overcome with pain and confusion. He’s almost thirteen, so the situation wasn’t entirely unexpected, but as we navigated the end-of-life process, uncertainty and grief permeated our home. My husband and I tried to help our children grapple with the mystery of death, all the while preparing for the beginning of the holiday season, which we usually greet with joy. It was a jarring dichotomy. 
 
Then, one morning, Stuart wanted to eat again. He wagged his tail and looked hopefully at me when I held up his leash. We attempted a walk around the neighborhood, and he began to prance, head and tail held high, with an occasional nuzzle to my palm. It felt like a miracle. 
 
We still don’t entirely understand what happened, aside from excellent veterinary care. We realize that things could change again quickly. But in the meantime, we’re savoring this extra time we’ve been given with our beloved dog, who has been a member of our family since we adopted him two months into our marriage. 
 
I always greet this season with wonder. I relish the moments of reflection I find while I sit by my tree. This year, those moments feel extra-charged, and I find myself wanting to be extra-intentional in how I spend my time and how I interact with those around me. And so it brought me transcendent peace to see my son engaging in those ways, too, choosing to sing his favorite carol to his favorite dog. Our home no longer feels filled with grief. Instead, we are finding joy and seeking connection. I had worried we wouldn’t feel mindful during this Advent season, distracted by the uncertainty around us. But, instead, it has helped bring us to a richer, more meaningful Advent than we might have had otherwise. I hope you’re finding meaning during this season, too, even when you encounter uncertainty. 
 
Merry Christmas,
Fiona MacQuarrie Helmuth ’09